Philoxenia and Xenodocheo

Hospitality is a virtue practiced in every culture, although differently. In Nagaland, as soon as a person enters one’s home, the host offers a cup of water. South India banks offer their customers free chai (tea) during teatimes. Korean families offer their guests soft slippers to walk in their homes.

Usually, we associate hospitality with welcoming someone we know. But in the ancient world, hospitality was shown to a stranger or someone unknown, a xenos (male) or xenia (female). As such, the two common words for hospitality are philoxenia (philo “love” and xenia “a stranger”) and xenodocheo (xenos “stranger” and docheo “to receive”). Loving and receiving strangers or unknown people!

The writer of Hebrews exhorted his audience: “Do not forget philozenia – loving strangers” (13:2). Paul commended women who showed xenodocheo – received strangers (1 Tim 5:10).

The Lord Jesus had taught his disciples a simple prayer that might have taken them a minute to pray (Luke 11:1–4). But he didn’t want them to assume prayer was insignificant. Instead, he wanted them to persist in their prayers. So, he told them a story.

“One of you has a friend (philos) who goes to him in the middle of the night and says: ‘Friend (philos), I need three pieces of bread. My friend (philos) has visited me, and I have nothing to offer him.’ That one inside his house says: ‘Don’t offer me a labor. The door is locked, and my children are with me, sleeping in the bed. I can’t get up and give you what you need.’” (Luke 11:5–7)

This parable has five characters: the audience (“you”), one in the audience (“one of you”), who has a friend (philos #1), his neighbor whom he addresses as a friend (philos #2), and the guest whom he addresses as a friend (philos #3). The unexpected arrival of friend #3 had placed friend #2 in an awkward situation – he had no food to offer his guest. That would have been an embarrassing situation in that culture. Shame! The solution to saving face was to secretly knock at the neighboring friend’s store and borrow some food. But that friend was more concerned about his conveniences than his friend’s predicament. The situation would change if friend #2 were persistent. Jesus said,

“I tell you: Although he wasn’t willing to get up and help his friend (philos), he will give him everything he needed because of his persistence.” (11:8)

Persistent knocks and shouting at the door would eventually wake up his children and wife and would bring shame to him for not being willing to help his friend. One of his children might say, “Dad, why aren’t you helping your friend?” So, he got up and gave his friend bread and everything else he needed.

“I say to you: Ask, and it will be given to you. Seek, and you will find. Knock, and it will be open to you. Everyone who asks will receive, everyone who seeks will find, and to everyone who knocks, doors will be open.” (11:9–10)

Without persistently asking for help, seeking what was needed, or knocking at locked doors, one would not get or find what s/he needed. The same was true of prayer. Although our prayers may be simple, they mustn’t be infrequent. But note – the prayers aren’t for us (friend # 2); they are for others (friend #3) who unexpectedly enter our lives. God honors such prayers (James 4:2b–3).